Banana Slicer Reviews

About

Banana Slicer Reviews are satirical testimonials submitted by users on the online shopping site Amazon for the kitchen gadget product Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer. Due to its perceived lack of utility, the product page became an easy target for tongue-in-cheek reviews, in similar vein to the consumer reviews of the Three Wolf Moon shirt shirt, Tuscan whole milk and BIC“For Her” pens.

Origin

On December 6th, 2009, the Internet news blog BoingBoing^[1] published a post titled “Just look at this awesome banana slicer,” which linked to the Amazon^[2] page for the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer. The product page remained relatively unknown until March 2nd, 2011, when the first satirical review was submitted by Amazon user elven, who lauded the product by comparing it to the Honey Badger and Charlie Sheen.

“I can’t believe I have wasted the first 35 years of my existence on this earth by not having this wonderful banana slicer. All this time I have been standing there at the kitchen counter like a complete IDIOT wasting countless seconds slicing my bananas with a knife. A KNIFE!!!! Can you believe how foolish I was? Listen. This banana slicer will change your life. After slicing a banana, or two, or three (hell slice as many as you want – it takes no time at all)you will feel like you have honey badger blood flowing through your veins and have Charlie Sheen DNA.”

Spread

On September 17th, 2012, The Huffington Post^[6] reported that the banana slicer page had garnered upwards of 250 reviews. On October 1st, BuzzFeed^[4] highlighted several notable reviews from the Amazon product page. On December 6th, the Internet news blog The Daily Dot^[5] published an article about the tongue-in-cheek reviews, noting that the product had received more than 500 testimonials. On December 31st, NBC Today^[8] published an article comparing the trend to the Three Wolf Moon and BIC“For Her”^[7] ballpoint pen reviews. On January 13th, 2013, Hutzler Manufacturing Company responded to a tweet about the reviews, acknowledging that they were generating more sales as a result of the trend.

<a href="https://twitter.com/pickletoon">pickletoon</a> Well, those hysterical reviews certainly are creating more sales. Glad you enjoyed them. We're all crying with laughter!</p>— Hutzler Mfg. Co. (HutzlerCo) January 13, 2013

On January 29th, 2013, YouTuber DartanionLondon uploaded a parody review video of the banana slicer (shown below), garnering upwards of 4,100 views and 110 comments in the next three months.

On March 17th, 2013, Redditor Silver_Cyanide submitted a link to the banana slicer Amazon page on the /r/TheBestOfAmazon^[3] subreddit, receiving over 425 up votes and 20 comments in the first month. On April 20th, Redditor Headbandwarrior submitted a gallery of banana slicer reviews to the /r/TheBestOfAmazon^[9] subreddit (shown below), which gained more than 860 up votes and 20 comments in the following four days.

Notable Examples

Reviews

As of late April 2013, the Hutzler 571 banana slicer review page has received upwards of 3,900 reviews.

No more winning for you, Mr. Banana!

For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. “Use a knife!” they say. Well…my parole officer won’t allow me to be around knives. “Shoot it with a gun!” Background check…HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I’ll call it South Side Story. (by Amazon user SW3K)

Saved my marriage

What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn’t already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone…. this is one of the greatest inventions of all time. My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day’s banana slices. It’s one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old “I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?” and of course, “You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas? I worked a 12 hour shift just to come home to THIS?!” These are the things that can destroy an entire relationship. It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our 6-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That’s when I found the 571B Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier, AND we’ve even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS 571B BANANASLICER! (by Amazon user Mrs Toledo)

Disappointed

I had lost all hope. Wars, poverty, honey boo boo. Truly these were the end of times. And then I saw it…this Banana Slicer. A slicer that slices bananas, who could of thought of something like this? And that’s when I knew…clearly we are not alone in this universe. A simple human could not have created a machine this genius. This banana slicer, a slicer that slices bananas, produces perfectly round slices with such mathematical precision that only an advanced being could have bestowed this upon us. Clearly these beings have taken mercy on us and wish to restore our society with their advanced technology, starting with this banana slicer, a slicer that slices bananas. Get ready people, THEFUTURE IS HERE!!!!! (by Amazon user L. A. Williams)

My 27 trained monkeys love this

As you may or may not know, I have 27 trained monkeys I use to do my evil bidding. Well, the younger monkeys teeth have not fully developed and so slicing a banana to feed them is a necessary chore. The adult monkeys used to have to chew up bananas and feed their young but not anymore with the Victorio Kitchen Products 571B Banana Slicer. The adults are going bananas over this time saving easy product. No longer so they have to taste and chew the deliciousness banana without eating it teasing them like a teenage prom date.

Now, they can eat and enjoy while i feed the young by slicing the bananas into small pieces that’s easy for them to digest, This product is aces in my book and if you have 27 trained monkeys that will help you take over the land of OZ, i highly recommenced this product. This product is more useful than a barrel of monkeys. (by Amazon user L. Blankenship “Lundy Love”)

Images

Many Amazon users have submitted joke images to the banana slicer product page, including image macros with The Most Interesting Man in the World and Ermahgerd advice animal characters.